Squishy

I don't know about you, but I have one of those hearts.  They are not super reliable in public places, in the sense that they can easily run over.  If your heart feels too much, you may fit into the squishy category.  It's the kind of heart that makes you hold on for too long, it makes you literally want to squish someone or something that you love.  Because the love itself becomes too overwhelming.

How wonderful (and painful) to be able to feel all these things.

More often then not, these emotions can arise when you are greeted with unexpected loyalty or companionship.  Also known as nearness.  This morning, as I was having my tea and trawling through blogs, my pet bunny came to keep me company.  Didn't do or demand anything, he was just there.  Oh, my melting, overflowing, unreliable heart.  That the love of a little critter can start my day off so beautifully.

Anyway, I realise that it sounds like I got into the punch a little early for a Friday.  This will follow later.  But I hope someone else out there has the same kind of start to their weekend.  A weekend of nearness and overflowing hearts.  What more (except some punch) can we possibly ask for?

Spring

So, I realise that the official first month of spring is on its back.  And gardens are supposed to be in bloom.  And spirits lifted and all things happy.  Sorry if it has taken me a while to get into the spirit.  But shopping around on Etsy this morning, as I often do, I found this beautiful birdie.  And it made me feel like spring was real.  Bring on babies of all sorts, new beginnings, decluttering, and a fresh frame of mind.  Yeah!

Words

Being pregnant is weird.  And, if you haven't been pregnant, there is a certain feeling that will be difficult to understand.  It is one of iktsuarpok.  And, whilst I don't spend a lot of time outside, the ache of anticipation is the same.  Especially in the home stretch.


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Make a wish

Close your eyes.  Make a wish.

There is a chance that this wish will give you hope, if not anything else.

It could just give you something to hold on to when you feel like slipping.

I'm not talking about the kind of wish that you would make when you blow out your birthday candles.

It's not the kid of wish that allows your childhood dream of a new bicycle.

This is the kind of wish that only has to do with matters of the heart.  

It deals exclusively with things you can feel.

There is a special kind of wish that I would like to make.

Maybe it's more of a prayer.

A hope for something to hold on to. 

A wish for a soft blanket to be swaddled in.

A safe place.

Read

A dear dear friend recently surprised me with a couple of books.  Now, getting any mail that doesn't require fetching your chequebook is already a bonus.  Getting a piece of escape pie in the post is an absolute treat.  

One of the books included in my lucky packet was "Great with Child : letters to a young mother" by Beth Ann Fennelly.  Not only is the cover beautiful (packaging always gets me), but these letters felt so personal.  It is as if they were written for me.  The emotion is so real and honest.  And, somehow the telling of simple daily happenings feels like advice from a friend or a mother.  Someone you can trust. 

I cannot wait for the next friend to find out that they are with blessed bump.  As this book will be my go-to gift from now on.  

Make love

Its the weekend!  Well, Friday at least.  Yeah!  This weekend I plan to sleep late, have breakfast at a new bakery, relax and generally be useless.  And, I will try to follow the above advice.  It seems that, more often than not, being kind gets you the same response in return.  And who wouldn't mind getting smiled at every now and again?

Have a delicious weekend.  Make love.

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Paper hats

Am I the only person who can hear the wrapping paper?   I can almost smell the gravy, being built out of 4 hours of juice delivering cooking time.  In fact, I think I will dig out my paper crown, just to make sure that it still fits.  

Christmas could be my favourite time of the year.  I harbour no fear for the festive season weight gain.  I welcome it.  No, I do not want to be fat.  But I feel that, in this special time with family and friends, you get to stock up on all the good feelings you will need to get you through the new year.

Here we are.  August.  So close and yet......do you think people would think I was strange if I started to assemble my Christmas tree.  I suppose so.  Maybe I will just fetch it from storage.  And dust it off.  

I long to feel that magical feeling.  24 hours a day.  Its too late for Christmas in July.  But I suppose it's never to early to start making a list........

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Testing

I did it.  I took the plunge.  And now I am scared.  Afraid. Nervous.

I got a new bunny to replace the old one that died.  But now, I am unsure.  What if this bunny isn't nice to my boy bunny.  What if she is mean and won't play?  The ache of a bunny lost can be compared in a strange way to the ache of worry that comes with a new bunny.

I wonder if moms worry about the same kind of thing when bringing a new baby home.  What if they simply cannot get along?

It is possible that the emotional state of mind that comes with being pregnant makes all these changes all the more difficult?  All in all, it just makes me want my mom.  Weird as it may seem.

Tribute

People do things for all sorts of reasons.  They wear black armbands to signify respect for someone who has passed.  They drink way to much at a wake.  They write songs, they erect hideous gravestones.  I let my bunny sleep in my bed last night.

I suppose a little background information could help here.  I recently moved (again) to a house with a wonderful garden and pool and space and light and air.  I should also add that I am a bunny lover.  My husband and I spent our weekend doing bunny proofing.  We even installed a baby gate, so that our buns could not make their way to the road.

All this preparation and schlep was, however, repaid in a way that I really did not expect.  I found one of my bunnies in the pool yesterday morning.  There was no hope for rescue.  I held her for about an hour, swearing at the world for being a cruel and unfair place.  I wrapped her in a towel and dried her.  Stroked her.  Agonised.

Her friend, partner and father of her babies refused to eat for the rest of the day.  See, he way paying tribute.  Because hurt - and the willingness to show it - could also be a form of tribute.  

He was so sad that I refused to leave his side.  I paid tribute to my beautiful little girl bunny by letting her friend sleep in my bed.  Not that he wanted to sleep.  Playing, licking, running was more what he had in mind.

But, as mourning and sadness may last all night, joy arrived in the morning.  In the form of a renewed appetite.

Pikpik will get a new friend in time.  But for now.  We are all happily (with the occasional tear) remembering his friend.

Sparkling weekend!

So, the smell of weekend and waffles is in the air.  I have just discovered that my sandwich machine is also a waffle maker.  Score!  And, my dear dear friend just had her first proper contraction.  She actually had to sit down, it was so strong.  Come little baby darling.  We are ready for you!  What a great weekend this will be!  Waffles, babies and house hunting!  Enjoy!!

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Feelings

Now, let me begin by stating that I am by no means psychic.

I am, however famous for buying clothes and wearing them straight out the shop.  I am impulsive and cannot wait for things to happen.  I own my own toolbox.  That way I never have to wait for a man to hang pictures on my walls, change plugs etc.

Bearing my very patient personality in mind (and this lightbulb only came to me retrospectively), I hesitated to start decorating my new babyroom in my new house.  We have lived here 5 days now, and I have not even unpacked any baby stuff.  Please understand that I'd already hung paintings and unpacked everything else in the rest of the house the very same day of moving in.

So, in this retrospective frame of mind, I received a very interesting phone call earlier today.

It seems my landlord has sold the unit we only just moved into.  And, my options are to either move out by the end of the month, or to move in 6 months.  And, not wanting to move with a newborn, I suspect I better get packing.  Thank goodness there is one room I didn't unpack.  Funny thing these feelings.  Best we trust them more often...........

Happy colour.

I was digging around on Etsy, as I often do, and I found a couple of happy crafty images.  They made me smile.  As Monday rolls around once again, I figured a bit of colour wouldn't do any harm.  Hope they make you smile too!

Gestures

The Webster dictionary describes a gesture as "a movement usually of the body or limbs that expresses or emphasises an idea, sentiment, or attitude".  I like gestures.  Simple showings of how you feel.  

This morning, a beautiful gesture delivered breakfast to me.  In bed.  The sentiment could not have been sweeter.  Even though breakfast consisted of tea and toast, it made me feel like a princess.  

Tea?

Many things can be done in autopilot.  For instance, you don't really have to think about sorting washing.  Before you know it, you've done it.  Perhaps because this is one of the most mundane parts of your day.  Or perhaps because you've just done it so many times.  My brain makes tea.  Without thinking, the first thing I do when I wake is fill the kettle.

And, I'll have you know, that the first cup hardly ever counts.  It's the cup you have while you wake up.  You are in autopilot, getting ready, feeding people.  The first real cup happens when everyone has left the house.  And you can really sit down and enjoy it.  Tea is the thing that gets you through the day.    Happy? Tea.  Sad? A soothing cup of tea.  In fact, my dad recommends tea for most states of mind.  Unless its after the work day - when, obviously, a glass of wine is in order.

That being said, I'm not denying coffee its rightful place in the world.  I'll be the first to admit that I can spend hours waiting if I have a good cuppa.  But there is something like home about tea.

Tea is the thing that puts you to bed at night.  And, considering the beauty of it, I will also admit that I hardly ever use beautiful dainty cups to drink my tea out of.  They are simply too small.

Think of all the pots of tea you've had with friends.  How it kept you talking for hours.

Tea, glorious tea.

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Good thoughts

I saw this poster on a friends Facebook page and I had to share it.  Imagine if the right mindset was really as easy as tearing the appropriate strip off a page.

 

Force feed.

I am the kind of friend that can be compared to a mother bird.  There.  I said it.

I demand a lot of time.  I don't mind if you are in your pajamas, doing a grocery run or redoing a child's room.  I will happily pick up a paintbrush.  I don't always have a sense or appreciation for the time of day. There is a good chance that I will wake up and think - I should have coffee with a friend.  And I will send messages to invite said friends.  At 7am.

Sometimes I get the idea that I am force-feeding the friendship.  I have no issues with asking if I am getting in the way.  I expect my friends to be honest enough to tell me to back-off.

I suppose little birds do get sick when they get fed too many proverbial worms.  But isn't that what friends are for?  To clean up when our friends aren't well?

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Say cheese!

Friday mornings.  They bring so much positive energy they they could possibly provide electricity for my whole house.  It's finally the weekend.  And whilst other people might be planning where to meet for that well deserved after work drink, I have only one thing on my mind.  Cheese.  Lots and lots of it.

 The menu will be simple.  Toasted cheese.  With some tomato, if I'm feeling wild.  Happy weekending!!

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Ships

I recently attended a wedding where the best man made a speech starting with (corny, I know) "there are big ships, there are tall ships..................but the best of these are friendships."  And, in my life at least, I think this motto should be written on my sleeve.  

I'd like to add to that very profound speech that some ships may sail.  And, truthfully, you may feel hurt and betrayed.  And it will suck.  

But then there are the goodies.  The ones that never leave.  The ones that you can spend 3 straight days with, unpacking boxes, doing grocery shopping, drinking coffee and often too much wine.  Those are the ships worth buying a hat for.  

Per-spec-tive

I don't know about you, but I tend to find myself in dark clouds.  Ones where I weigh up what my life is about and the things I've done.  Ones where I compare myself to the Sex and the City girls and find myself far less fabulous than I had wished.

To banish these dark clouds, one literally needs to "get your head out of the gutter".

Easier said than done.  I did, however read a friends blog, and found the message (or kick in the head - the same one that loves to wonder gutters) to be so inspiring.  Her post described a feeling or past time that I often indulge in.  It's the one where you make little lists of the things you just don't like about yourself.  And the effect those feelings have on others.

Then I realised something.  Sometimes it's ok to make those lists.  It's even ok to read them out loud.

As long as you remember to tear them up.  And remember to "gain the confidence to be the star in your own life".

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How strong are you?

Crying.  Often seen as a sign of weakness.  Now we know the truth.  I've been crying more that I should recently.  My husband likes to say that I'd probably cry if I watched an ice cream ad.  And he is probably right.  Hormones.  A preggy side-product I never really took seriously.